Indian cricketer S Sreesanth has said he suffered from deep depression and had to fight suicidal thoughts. In an interview with Deccan Herald, the fast bowler said that he lived through dark times after being handed a life ban for spot-fixing.
In 2013, Sreesanth was arrested by the Delhi police for his involvement in the spot-fixing scandal in the Indian Premier League and subsequently banned for life by the Board of Control for Cricket in India.
Two years after that, though, a special court acquitted him of all charges and in 2018, the Kerala High Court revoked the life ban on him. Finally, the Supreme Court also asked the BCCI to reduce the ban and it was decided that the two-time World Cup-winner would be eligible to play competitive cricket from September, 2020.
Now, with the date of his return to cricket not far away, it was reported that the Kerala Ranji Trophy team will consider Sreesanth for selection if he can prove his fitness. Kerala batsman Sachin Baby even said that the seasoned pacer is “still unplayable” in the nets.
Despite being on the cusp of a return to the game, he said the pain he felt at the time is still fresh in his memory.
“You know I was scared of the dark at one point,” he said. “I couldn’t step out of the house and I didn’t let anyone step out of the house because I feared that I/ they would get kidnapped. I was in a deep depression at the time.
“I had all these thoughts in my room but I couldn’t leave my room without a smile on my face because my parents would not have been able to handle it. I didn’t want to show my weakness to them. I was completely on my own in these moments.
“I was crying all the time, trying to figure out where I went wrong and what happened to me. I was living this dual life and it was too much to handle. I was Sreesanth to the world and Gopu to the family, but in my room, I didn’t know what I was. That’s why I started discovering hobbies and working on them with a lot of seriousness,” he added.
Sreesanth even said he battled suicidal thoughts and was deeply disturbed after hearing of actor Sushant Singh Rajput’s death recently.
“It [the though of suicide] is something I battled with incessantly in 2013. It was there everywhere I turned, the easy way out, but my family kept me sane. I had to stick around for my family. I knew they needed me. That’s why the news of Sushant Singh’s death affected me so much, besides the fact that he was a good friend. I was on that edge but I walked back because I knew how much it would hurt those who believe in me and love me,” he said.
“I don’t like talking about this but there was a time when I was struggling to pay my bills. I didn’t know where my next meal would come from. That’s why I am so grateful for all the shows that hired me and trusted in me.”
Limited-time offer: Big stories, small price. Keep independent media alive. Become a Scroll member today!
Our journalism is for everyone. But you can get special privileges by buying an annual Scroll Membership. Sign up today!