Hey, congratulations! I hear (from your 20 Facebook posts) that your first book is getting published. That’s faaaa-aaan-tastic. Woo-hoo.

Okay, now, calm down there, Jim. Before you go any further, let me tell you a thing or seven about those things first-time authors do – with less than splendid results. I have the benefit of three books under my belt, and of having done (almost) every single one of those things myself.

1: Thinking this is it
Here’s the thing. No one is saying it’s not a huge deal to get published. Yes, even in a crowded market like India, where a new author is springing up every other day. But you’ve got to be awake to the fact that there’s a lot of competition out there, and getting one book out there is not going to put you on the map.

The fact is that even if you sell a few thousand copies and get into the “bestseller” category, chances are no one’s going to gasp when you’re in the metro and say “Ohmigod! It’s HER!” So you might as well keep your feet firmly on the platform and know it’s only the beginning.

2: Thinking everyone’s really happy for you
Of course there will be people who are unconditionally delighted – but, let’s face it, Mom is only one person. Many, many of your friends and acquaintances will feel a twinge of jealousy and start talking to you about how they’ve got a great book idea, indicating not so subtly that if you could get published, well, that just clearly means it’s not that hard and they’ve got a shot at it. As for those few besides Mom who are actually happy and enthusiastic, hang on to them.

3: Quitting your day job
See point 1 above. It’s great that you got published, but it’s another thing altogether to imagine that you’ll start making a living from it. The reality of Indian publishing is this: a few thousand copies multiplied by a few rupees is a few thousand rupees. I’m told that my numbers are pretty good from a sales volume perspective, but when it comes to seeing the returns as my daily bread, I have to say ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I really like a quote of Lizzie Gilbert’s about seeing your job as a “passion sponsor”. Yeah!

4: Comparing yourself to others
Yessir, Amish did it. Ashwin did it. Chetan, oh boy, did he do it. But they’re them. They put in their own unique formulae and strengths and pretty much all they had at their disposal to be where they are. There are many people out there working hard and smart to get their sales up. It’s a good idea to learn from them – I did a bunch of pretty savvy but low-cost promotional things for my books, and my publishers have been increasingly supportive in building my author brand – but it didn’t start out like that. Expecting top-notch treatment from Day One from your publishers is just setting yourself up for disappointment (and resulting in some pissed-off folks in publishing).

Still, #protip: staying silent means your publisher may end up ignoring you completely. So it’s about finding the right balance here.

5: Flooding your friends with social media posts about your books
See point 2. Folks on your timeline are going to be excited, especially in the beginning. But soon they’ll get annoyed by the incessant chatter about how wonderful your life is as you proceed on your newfound path to success. I still continue to do this, but that’s not with the hope that everyone will rally around to increase my book sales – it’s more because I find a particular, unique joy in annoying some of my friends.

6: Calling yourself (Author <Your Name>)
Yep, this is a sad one. You want to be recognised as the budding star that you are. But not many people seem to know about your author status. So your profile name on various social networking sites starts to include the word “author”. Yeah, guys, this is not cool. Imagine seeing a friend suggestion popping up for Author PG Wodehouse. Be honest – would you add him or think of him as a bit of a loser? Don’t be that guy. Or girl.

7: Responding to reviews
I read somewhere, only too late, that when people review your book, whether positively or negatively, they’re talking to other people. They don’t expect you to find their review through obsessive Googling and then respond via comment with a “Hey thanks, that’s a great review” or “Whoa there, man. What’s your problem?” Seriously, that’s a little creepy. How I wish I hadn’t done it.

It’s too late for me to avoid my rookie mistakes, but it isn’t too late for you. So go ahead and play it cool. Sell by the millions, or thousands or hundreds. Just don’t indulge in that one cardinal, worst-ever Rookie No-no – that is, giving up on the thing that you love most – writing – just because your first book didn’t rake in the millions. Because that's the only way you’d actually be a loser.

To thank the world-weary Yashodhara Lal for this wonderful confessional article, you may now buy her brand new three-book-box-set Box of Love and Laughter; don’t forget to review it everywhere and share it indefatigably on social media until your friends start to block you.