The intent is serious, but literature festivals inevitably offer laughs to the audience. Mostly by design, thanks to witty panelists. Here are some real laugh-out-loud moments from the Jaipur Literary Festival.
Mind your language
Veteran Urdu writer SR Faruqui and prodigious new talent Bilal Tanweer ‒ both shortlisted for the DSC prize ‒ have just had a discussion on beauty, truth, nostalgia, and Urdu literature. At the end of their conversation, questions are invited from audience members. A young man shoots up like a spring and says, "Urdu and Sanskrit are dying languages. I want to ask you, what is being done to protect them?"
Bilal Tanweer's response is precise: "Writers suck at public policy. Best not to ask them."
But is she a feminist?
Joanna Rakoff has just read out a scene from her Salinger memoir. A lady wants to ask her a question. The conversation goes like this.
Lady: Does the character in your novel represent herself as an empowered woman?
JR: Do you mean the character that was... me?
Lady: Yes, I mean are the characters authentic representations of the condition of women at that time?
JR (struggling to explain): Well, the book is true. It's not fiction.
Family secrets
On a panel about LGBT writing, Greek-Australian writer Christos Tsiolkas has just spoken about the experience of coming out to his family. Devdutt Pattnaik adds that in India, many people are told by their families ‒ even if they are accepting ‒ never to tell other people. Without missing a beat, moderator Sandip Roy says, "In India, the whole family goes into the closet with you."
Minutes later, Pattnaik and Roy discuss the possibility of arranged gay marriage happening in India. "Just think of how confusing it would be! Who would walk in front of whom around the fire?" chortled Pattnaik. Roy wondered, "Aapka beta chai toh banata hai, naa?"
Pun and porn
During a panel on the writer as critic, moderator Chandrahas Choudhury addresses Will Self ‒ "Are you a different Self when writing fiction?" Self, laconic, responds, "That's the funniest play on my name I've ever heard!"
Later, the conversation turns to porn. Alberto Manguel says: "Pornography, which I read out of purely scientific interest, of course... makes me laugh. But you should ask Will about it. He's an expert on the subject."
Will Self responds, "What am I an expert at? Having sex, or writing about it? I don't recall ever making love to you, Albert." To which Manguel, dignified, says, "Let us not go into intimate details, we're speaking as critics after all."
Not one to be defeated, Will Self turns to the audience. "Coming back to the subject of sex, think about your own sexual experiences." The audience is unfazed, so he continues. "Go on, I'm giving you 30 seconds to think about it." And then proceeds to stare, bug-eyed, at the giggling audience for at least 30 seconds. Finally, he breaks his silence, "You know what I mean." He nods knowingly.
Undercover agent
On a star-studded travel writing panel, Brigid Keenan is talking about being dragged all around the world by her diplomat husband. She reveals that she once inadvertently cut open an artery. This is how it happened: "I thought I had a boil in my bottom and my husband refused to check it because he said he wanted to retain some mystery in our marriage."
So Keenan, forced to check for herself, manages to fall over in the loo, and cuts her wrist against a window, and has to be rushed to the emergency room in her dressing gown. Her husband helpfully takes her knickers off because he thinks she'd be more comfortable that way, puts them in his pocket and promptly forgets about them. About a week later, wanting a handkerchief on a very hot day, he pulls them out in the middle of a business meeting.
Mind your language
Veteran Urdu writer SR Faruqui and prodigious new talent Bilal Tanweer ‒ both shortlisted for the DSC prize ‒ have just had a discussion on beauty, truth, nostalgia, and Urdu literature. At the end of their conversation, questions are invited from audience members. A young man shoots up like a spring and says, "Urdu and Sanskrit are dying languages. I want to ask you, what is being done to protect them?"
Bilal Tanweer's response is precise: "Writers suck at public policy. Best not to ask them."
But is she a feminist?
Joanna Rakoff has just read out a scene from her Salinger memoir. A lady wants to ask her a question. The conversation goes like this.
Lady: Does the character in your novel represent herself as an empowered woman?
JR: Do you mean the character that was... me?
Lady: Yes, I mean are the characters authentic representations of the condition of women at that time?
JR (struggling to explain): Well, the book is true. It's not fiction.
Family secrets
On a panel about LGBT writing, Greek-Australian writer Christos Tsiolkas has just spoken about the experience of coming out to his family. Devdutt Pattnaik adds that in India, many people are told by their families ‒ even if they are accepting ‒ never to tell other people. Without missing a beat, moderator Sandip Roy says, "In India, the whole family goes into the closet with you."
Minutes later, Pattnaik and Roy discuss the possibility of arranged gay marriage happening in India. "Just think of how confusing it would be! Who would walk in front of whom around the fire?" chortled Pattnaik. Roy wondered, "Aapka beta chai toh banata hai, naa?"
Pun and porn
During a panel on the writer as critic, moderator Chandrahas Choudhury addresses Will Self ‒ "Are you a different Self when writing fiction?" Self, laconic, responds, "That's the funniest play on my name I've ever heard!"
Later, the conversation turns to porn. Alberto Manguel says: "Pornography, which I read out of purely scientific interest, of course... makes me laugh. But you should ask Will about it. He's an expert on the subject."
Will Self responds, "What am I an expert at? Having sex, or writing about it? I don't recall ever making love to you, Albert." To which Manguel, dignified, says, "Let us not go into intimate details, we're speaking as critics after all."
Not one to be defeated, Will Self turns to the audience. "Coming back to the subject of sex, think about your own sexual experiences." The audience is unfazed, so he continues. "Go on, I'm giving you 30 seconds to think about it." And then proceeds to stare, bug-eyed, at the giggling audience for at least 30 seconds. Finally, he breaks his silence, "You know what I mean." He nods knowingly.
Undercover agent
On a star-studded travel writing panel, Brigid Keenan is talking about being dragged all around the world by her diplomat husband. She reveals that she once inadvertently cut open an artery. This is how it happened: "I thought I had a boil in my bottom and my husband refused to check it because he said he wanted to retain some mystery in our marriage."
So Keenan, forced to check for herself, manages to fall over in the loo, and cuts her wrist against a window, and has to be rushed to the emergency room in her dressing gown. Her husband helpfully takes her knickers off because he thinks she'd be more comfortable that way, puts them in his pocket and promptly forgets about them. About a week later, wanting a handkerchief on a very hot day, he pulls them out in the middle of a business meeting.
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