We sent a mission to Mars. Naturally, there was a collective thrill, as a nation, that we’d succeeded. One of the few countries in the world to have a Mars mission etc. But it appeared that the core of that joy was in the idea that it was the cheapest Mars mission ever done. So cheap in fact that Martians on landing inquired how we got there so quickly, and could we help them with an inter-galactic autorickshaw because they’d quite like to visit Jupiter using their discount vouchers.
Jugaad, our invented economic technique of last-minute organising, the heart of any Indian even- management company, was thrown about by the media as one of the key achievements of this Mars mission. I’m not sure how jugaad worked in this case unless en route, the Orbiter passed other space stations and said, “Hey you using this spare part? Can I take it?” and fitted it on itself. Not to mention that last-minute organising of stuff and space travel should perhaps not be spoken of together as a good thing. There aren’t that many times you’ll hear NASA or ISRO say, “So we had this space craft heading out tomorrow and we had no engine, my Head Of Department was tied up at wedding, we thought, what should we do, so we took this Maruti Suzuki engine and this Hero Honda steering…”
In reality, our scientists probably spent years researching and planning every bit of what goes up there. We generally love the idea of spending less money and getting stuff (or ideally no money and getting stuff), so the narrative that clicked with the populace was cost. Not that we had an Indian thing now up in Mars roaming around looking for things expected to be there- Elvis, that Malaysian plane, ET, Shakti Kapoor etc.
A glorious leap
It’s not that we couldn’t afford an expensive space mission, but it is just how we think. And as a concept, is totally new to the rest of the world’s space missions and could blow their mind. No one ever said in the 1960s, “Neil Armstrong stepped on the moon and his space suit, from Raymonds, discounted because I know the owner, came in only at $5,000. Functionally, no different from a full- price astronaut suit ‒ see he can still breathe and live.” Or Neil Armstrong himself never said, as he stepped on the moon, “One small step for man. One giant step for mankind. And all for an low, low price of $, and get a 25% discount if you mention the promo code xxx. Hurry, limited offer only, lasts till xxx.’
The mission had the name Mars Orbiter Mission, which led to a deluge of rather unfortunate MOM acronym headlines across the Indian media. Mom did it, Mom goes to Mars, Mom does it cheapest, Mom says hello Mars, Three cheers for Mom and such tragedies. If you didn’t know we were sending something to space and you woke up hung-over, a you wouldn’t be faulted for reading the headline and saying, as a young South Mumbai gent did, “ Hey, some Indian guy’s mom went to Mars on her own? And saved money?”
A great loss
In other news, the prestigious management institute IIPM cannot give out degrees anymore as per the order of one of our courts. Which is a set back for its flamboyant founder and all pony-tailed university vice chancellors everywhere. Not to mention the financial loss to comedians because the discussion of IIPM degrees and their value, example, “You are late for the show. Where did you learn about time? IIPM? You don’t know the capital of India? Where did you study, IIPM etc.?” were what is known as “sure-fire material” in the stand-up comedy world. A sad loss.
Dhoklas in DC
By now, every child, most wild animals, all the insects, and most of the birds in India are aware that our Prime Minister is in the US. The only other time there was this much media frenzy about a world leader and the US was when Modi was not going to the US. We’ve had other leaders go to America, and indeed come back, sign deals etc. but the hype with which his going and not going is on the news, one wonders whether our media are less interested in news and more in applying for visa officer jobs at US consulates.
A particular TV channel tried to analyse what kind of Gujarati food he’d be served by President Obama and from what restaurant along-with interviews of prospective dhokla suppliers in the greater Washington DC area salivating at the prospect of getting that contract. Then the news broke that he might be on a fast and lime juice would accompany Obama late-night partying. Never have the dietary needs of an Indian leader been so influential to world politics since The Mahatma used to go on hunger strikes against the British.
Going cuckoo
And finally, last week, tennis legend Roger Federer who is so good that he’s won more world tennis tournaments than there actually exist in the world, (yes, he’s invented some in his head and won those also), requested he be ‘Photoshopped’ into India. People went a bit crazy. Throwing him in the middle of Holi, playing drums in Kerala, swimming outside the Golden Temple, on a Mumbai local, bathing in Varanasi, and the worse, giving a lithe Swiss man, a pot belly and some more hair than necessary. I’m worried about the reverse trend this might start. Not sure we’d like to see the actor Ajay Devgnnn Photoshopped into Norway, on Norwegian bodies. Next time Federer just visit. Vijay Amritraj can send you a ticket.
Jugaad, our invented economic technique of last-minute organising, the heart of any Indian even- management company, was thrown about by the media as one of the key achievements of this Mars mission. I’m not sure how jugaad worked in this case unless en route, the Orbiter passed other space stations and said, “Hey you using this spare part? Can I take it?” and fitted it on itself. Not to mention that last-minute organising of stuff and space travel should perhaps not be spoken of together as a good thing. There aren’t that many times you’ll hear NASA or ISRO say, “So we had this space craft heading out tomorrow and we had no engine, my Head Of Department was tied up at wedding, we thought, what should we do, so we took this Maruti Suzuki engine and this Hero Honda steering…”
In reality, our scientists probably spent years researching and planning every bit of what goes up there. We generally love the idea of spending less money and getting stuff (or ideally no money and getting stuff), so the narrative that clicked with the populace was cost. Not that we had an Indian thing now up in Mars roaming around looking for things expected to be there- Elvis, that Malaysian plane, ET, Shakti Kapoor etc.
A glorious leap
It’s not that we couldn’t afford an expensive space mission, but it is just how we think. And as a concept, is totally new to the rest of the world’s space missions and could blow their mind. No one ever said in the 1960s, “Neil Armstrong stepped on the moon and his space suit, from Raymonds, discounted because I know the owner, came in only at $5,000. Functionally, no different from a full- price astronaut suit ‒ see he can still breathe and live.” Or Neil Armstrong himself never said, as he stepped on the moon, “One small step for man. One giant step for mankind. And all for an low, low price of $, and get a 25% discount if you mention the promo code xxx. Hurry, limited offer only, lasts till xxx.’
The mission had the name Mars Orbiter Mission, which led to a deluge of rather unfortunate MOM acronym headlines across the Indian media. Mom did it, Mom goes to Mars, Mom does it cheapest, Mom says hello Mars, Three cheers for Mom and such tragedies. If you didn’t know we were sending something to space and you woke up hung-over, a you wouldn’t be faulted for reading the headline and saying, as a young South Mumbai gent did, “ Hey, some Indian guy’s mom went to Mars on her own? And saved money?”
A great loss
In other news, the prestigious management institute IIPM cannot give out degrees anymore as per the order of one of our courts. Which is a set back for its flamboyant founder and all pony-tailed university vice chancellors everywhere. Not to mention the financial loss to comedians because the discussion of IIPM degrees and their value, example, “You are late for the show. Where did you learn about time? IIPM? You don’t know the capital of India? Where did you study, IIPM etc.?” were what is known as “sure-fire material” in the stand-up comedy world. A sad loss.
Dhoklas in DC
By now, every child, most wild animals, all the insects, and most of the birds in India are aware that our Prime Minister is in the US. The only other time there was this much media frenzy about a world leader and the US was when Modi was not going to the US. We’ve had other leaders go to America, and indeed come back, sign deals etc. but the hype with which his going and not going is on the news, one wonders whether our media are less interested in news and more in applying for visa officer jobs at US consulates.
A particular TV channel tried to analyse what kind of Gujarati food he’d be served by President Obama and from what restaurant along-with interviews of prospective dhokla suppliers in the greater Washington DC area salivating at the prospect of getting that contract. Then the news broke that he might be on a fast and lime juice would accompany Obama late-night partying. Never have the dietary needs of an Indian leader been so influential to world politics since The Mahatma used to go on hunger strikes against the British.
Going cuckoo
And finally, last week, tennis legend Roger Federer who is so good that he’s won more world tennis tournaments than there actually exist in the world, (yes, he’s invented some in his head and won those also), requested he be ‘Photoshopped’ into India. People went a bit crazy. Throwing him in the middle of Holi, playing drums in Kerala, swimming outside the Golden Temple, on a Mumbai local, bathing in Varanasi, and the worse, giving a lithe Swiss man, a pot belly and some more hair than necessary. I’m worried about the reverse trend this might start. Not sure we’d like to see the actor Ajay Devgnnn Photoshopped into Norway, on Norwegian bodies. Next time Federer just visit. Vijay Amritraj can send you a ticket.
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