From the biography: When DLF CEO KP Singh fell out of favour with an important minister

It was January 1976, and the Singh house was aflutter. Charles Lachman, the 83-year-old co-founder of the American beauty conglomerate Revlon, and his girlfriend, the 32-year-old glamorous Countess Jaquine de Rochambeau, were visiting India. A few days earlier, a friend in America had called up KP and asked whether he could quickly put together a party for the couple while they were in Delhi.

In great haste, Indira and KP had planned an evening to host the couple. Given the couple’s glamorous profile, the guest list largely featured socialites and celebrities – people who would have much in common with the guests.

Indira walked around the home inspecting the floral arrangements, the candelabra, the crisp damask napkins and the gleam of the polish on the silverware. As she headed to the kitchen for a final look, she heard KP on the phone.

His voice was enthusiastic, but she could hear the slight concern in his voice.

KP had received a call from one of Bansi Lal’s aides, who informed KP that Bansi Lal would stop by KP’s home for dinner on his way back from Bhadkal Lake. India was in the middle of the Emergency, and Bansi Lal, a staunch supporter and confidante of Indira Gandhi, was now the defence minister of the country.

During the Emergency, Bansi Lal emerged as one of the most feared politicians in the country. He and his son Surinder Singh had been accused of misusing their powers16 and ordering the arrests of people who had opposed him or his son in any way. Even his milkman, on getting annoyed with a retired Navy official, Commander Pritam Datta, complained to Bansi Lal, who allegedly had the commander arrested using the draconian MISA.

But Bansi Lal had always liked KP since the day he met him at his uncle’s village home, and he now shared a warm relationship with KP and his family.

KP was stumped. How in the world would he manage to host Bansi Lal – a serious, intemperate politician along with champagne-drinking high society?

Calming himself, he invited his uncle Surendra Pal Singh, who was one of his mentors in addition to being a member of parliament, and a few more Jat luminaries, such as Ram Niwas Mirdha, a cabinet minister and a parliamentarian from Rajasthan; Balram Jakhar, the leader of the opposition of the Punjab Legislative Assembly and Bhim Raj, an MP from Rajasthan and a close friend of the Bansi Lal family. KP wanted to ensure that Bansi Lal would feel comfortable. He asked the leaders to be there before Bansi Lal was expected. The drawing room was large enough to hold two separate seating areas, so he earmarked one area for the socialites and one for the Jat leaders.

As the party began, even though the guest of honour was Lachman, every male guest was buzzing around his much younger and stunning girlfriend Jaquine. “I would love to show you the palaces of Rajasthan,” one guest said wide-eyed. One invited her to dinner. One to their stately home for another party. All this while poor Charles was pointedly ignored.

As Bansi Lal walked in with a small group of his own people from the defence ministry, KP greeted them, “Welcome Chaudhary sahab, aaj sirf aap ke liye khaas kheer bani hai.” (Today, we have made a special rice pudding only for you). He guided them into the area where the politicians were sitting. Bansi Lal used to enjoy the kheer made at KP’s home, and KP decided that he would have this served to Bansi Lal after dinner.

The party was in full swing, and everyone seemed in good humour. Pleased that the evening was going as planned, KP moved from section to section, talking to everyone. When dinner was served and people were milling around, KP, who was playing the role of two hosts, asked his uncle Surendra if Bansi Lal had been served the kheer. Surendra said, “I didn’t want to disturb you, Kushal, but things didn’t go well. He lost his temper and left in a rage!”

He told KP that Bansi Lal recognised one of the guests at the party and walked over to talk with her. Meanwhile, already a few drinks down, her husband, a lieutenant colonel posted in the Defence Ministry who was related to one of the members of the Gandhi family, saw Bansi Lal and ambled up to him. A short man, he familiarly draped his arm around Bansi Lal’s shoulder and slurred, “You are doing a good job as a defence minister. If you want, I can put in a word about you to Sanjay Gandhi.”

Imagine the scene – an inebriated army officer, who, for all practical purposes, indirectly reported to the defence minister, saying that he could recommend his own boss to the prime minister’s son and heir apparent, Sanjay Gandhi. Furious at this insult, Bansi Lal had stormed out of KP’s house.

KP was mortified upon hearing of this incident but decided to play innocent. He called Bansi Lal’s office the next morning and asked the secretary why the minister had left. The secretary informed him that Bansi Lal was furious. The defence minister felt he had been insulted and had come back saying, “How dare KP serve alcohol at a gathering where I was present? It is his irresponsibility that has led to my insult.”

KP asked the secretary to help him fix an appointment with Bansi Lal to explain the situation and offer his side of the story, but he was told that Bansi Lal did not want to see him ever again.

And Bansi Lal stuck to his word. KP would constantly call, requesting to meet him, but Bansi Lal refused. KP was hurt. He couldn’t believe that such a warm and wonderful relationship could sour in a split second for no fault of his, but he had underestimated the egos and power in play.

KP tried to get politicians, industry icons and people close to Bansi Lal to make the minister change his mind and give KP a chance to explain himself. But Bansi Lal was stubborn. Once he had made up his mind about something, he did not change it, even with reason. Overnight, their relationship had taken a new turn.

KP decided to try a different approach. He went to Bansi Lal’s office and waited outside for him, having given his secretary, who knew KP well, his visiting card. He heard that Bansi Lal looked at it, flung it across the room and said, “Tell him to get out of here and never to come to meet me again.”

But KP was determined. No matter how long it took, he would bring Bansi Lal around. A friendship and shared vision of so many years could not fall apart just because of one misunderstanding.

He recalled the first time he met Bansi Lal in Dabra, and how well they seemed to get along. Bansi Lal had taken a real shine to the young entrepreneur and appointed him to various industry committees. He then ensured that KP was elected president of the Faridabad Industries’ Association (FIA), and whenever Bansi Lal needed insights into the state of industrial development in Faridabad, KP would be the one to advise him. KP had always respected Bansi Lal for his uprightness and his ruthlessness in running the affairs of Haryana for the better, but he also knew that Bansi Lal’s renowned cussed nature was his Achilles heel.

Now, because of this one event, KP had gone from hero to zero overnight, for no fault of his.

While KP was busy trying to win over Bansi Lal, he had something even more significant brewing. He was meticulously plotting the revival of DLF, and his vision was nothing short of monumental.

KP Speak

• When dealing with strong personalities, especially those who hold significant sway in your business or personal life, managing egos becomes paramount. When confronted with defensiveness or anger, resist a knee-jerk reaction. Take a moment to reflect on the bigger picture. Is this person crucial to your goals? If so, consider the long-term impact of your response. Even if the mistake isn’t yours, set aside your ego. Remember that ego-driven battles rarely lead to productive outcomes. Instead, focus on solutions and common ground, especially if you are aware of the person’s propensity for being unreasonable or bad-tempered. Avoid escalating tensions. Seek compromise and understanding, even when it is challenging and prioritise the relationship. An ego can be the reason for your downfall, and humility is a powerful tool.

• After an argument, calmly seek an explanation without making the person feel even more defensive. If needed, give the person time and space if they need to calm down. But don’t give up seeking a resolution. Try and use a common friend to act as a mediator. I constantly tried, and while for me it didn’t work in my case, it usually does in most cases. An insider who knows the other party is always helpful.

• Perhaps another small lesson is to not mix social crowds that would likely not get along. People like to spend time with others whom they are comfortable with. I didn’t have a choice in this case, and I did my best to make everyone comfortable, but as is evident, it backfired.