‘I’m a mother to you’: Mahatma Gandhi to Manu Gandhi when she came to stay at the ashram with him

December 19, 1946, Srirampur

This afternoon Bhai and I reached Srirampur. At that time Bapuji was in conversation with persons from the Azad Hind Fauj (the INA). He looked at me and tweaking my ear said, “So, you’ve arrived?” Those persons left five to seven minutes later. Bapuji then enquired about my health. I asked, “How do I appear to you?” He replied, “Just as you were. But you seem to have put on some weight.” He asked Bhai, “When did you leave? Was it crowded on the way?” And went on to say to him, “I have received Manu’s letter.” When she came to Delhi, I had reasoned with her to stay with me, but her desire was to be with Umiya. She wrote a letter and left it for me. I liked it very much. Most probably I have written about it as well. After that, I came away to Bengal. One has to do or die here. I was not certain if Manu would be prepared to come here. You also wrote that the atmosphere around me was not good. In some ways, it pinched me to ask her to come. And so when this letter from Manu arrived, which I liked it. Pyarelal came to see me; I gave him Manu’s letter to read.

He was very happy to read it. He said Manu should be able to return to the place with me that she has lost. It was also my earnest wish. Hence, I sent a telegram. Pyarelal made some improvements in it. I am alone here. If Manu so wishes, she will not have to look at Pyarelal’s face even. And I could, if possible, do justice to Manu. I have had a regard for her ever since she came to me. Pyarelal also saw in her some great qualities, which he hoped to nurture and help blossom. It is for this reason that he had expressed to me his desire to marry Manu. I have never believed that they have done anything wrong. Even then, they would be tested here. I have described Hindu-Muslim unity as a yajna. And in this sacrifice, nothing impure can subsist. So, if Manu were to be impure, even with a mere trace of it, she would be in a terrible state.

You must understand this clearly, discuss it with Manu so that she could return with you if she so wants. It is better to return now, than later when one may be in a bad state.’ Having said this Bapuji turned to me and said, “If you have not understood anything of what I have said to Jaisukhlal, get him to explain it to you. You will have to pass through a fiery ordeal here.”

The discussion ended as Kularanjan Babu came. We said the prayers. Bapuji dictated letters to Hemaprabha Devibehn, Arunbhai, Amtussalaambehn, Kanubhai, and Abhabhabhi. At 9.15 Bapuji lay down in his bed.

My bedding had not yet been sent here. Bapuji asked me to stay at Srirampur as I had come to live with him. Bhai was asked to return, “Here we are offering a sacrifice, I cannot ask you to stay back, nor can I offer you any food. You return to Kazirkhil and send Manu’s bedding.”

Since there was no bedding for me, Bapuji gave me a floor spread and told me to sleep on a bench. Sushilabehn often slept on that bench with a mosquito net covering it. I had a blanket of my own.

He woke me up at 12.30. He stroked my head and asked: “Manudi, are you awake? I wish to have a talk with you. You must clearly understand your dharma so that you can discuss it with Jaisukhlal and arrive at a decision without delay, because he is to return as he does not have much leave.

“I told Jaisukhlal that Pyarelal was keen to call you here. Sushila, Kanu-Abha, and some other associates will certainly not like this. Abha is the same age as you; moreover, she used to serve me. She is given to jealousy. They are certain to fight with me. Their conduct towards you will be bad. You will have to bear with all of that.

“I have called you here to test you. Pyarelal has said that Manu is entirely unsullied. But Sushila accuses you of harbouring a desire to marry Pyarelal. She felt this even while we were in the Jail. She says, ‘I am a woman. It takes a woman to know another. What do you know? Devadas, Shanti Kumar, and Manilal were wrong to take her side.’ You must understand the nature of charge against you.

I accuse you of nothing; I have already written that in my letter. And yet, I would like it if I can put you to a test. I have always considered you innocent and childlike. And I respect you since the day you stole Ba’s heart. But you ran away16 and certain unwarranted incidents took place. I began to suspect you, but removed my suspicion at Pyarelal’s instance. And yet, you are convinced that I and my circle removed you and kept you at a distance. You also wrote about this someplace. Hence, I felt that it would be good if both of us, you and I, could put our minds to rest. Therefore, I tried to convince you in Delhi, but you were not influenced. Pyarelal gave you a letter in confidence, which you promptly gave me. I realised in Delhi that you have become very vigilant, this was confirmed when you left a very apt letter before you went. Hence, it has been my desire to do justice unto you if I can.

“Now the second issue – If you decide to stay with me, you will have to change your attire. The Gujarati-style sari is for the rich women who sit on a swing and move about in a motor. Moreover, if you wear the Gujarati-style sari and do not cover your head, it would be a sight unpleasant to the eyes. Ba and other women of times gone by were very particular about the way they wore their clothes. The moment the sari slipped from their heads, they would become conscious of it. You should cultivate such awareness, which you will not do. When you touched my feet today, you would remember that your head was uncovered. I do not say that you did so deliberately, but girls of today are not attentive towards it and hence it has become the natural state for you. Therefore, if you decide to stay here you should, like you did at Aga Khan Palace, wear the Punjabi dress. Even that involves a covering of the head, but its absence does not seem so incongruous. Moreover, this is a Muslim area. There is an old saying that ‘a petticoat cannot be locked’. Even if you wear drawers within the petticoat, I will consider it useless.

“How are the goondas to know that whether that garment covers you or not. The moment they see a woman in a petticoat these rogues wish to ruin her. I am undertaking a huge risk by keeping you, a young girl of 16–17 with me in a place where neither young girls nor old women are safe. Moreover, I am a mother to you, am I not? I have been a father to many. But after Ba left, I have recognised myself as a mother, or to say it differently, after Ba’s death, I have given you the permission to regard me in her place. Therefore, I must explain everything, laying it out in the open. I have hitherto not claimed to be anyone’s mother. I have been a father to many, but mother only to you. I hope to succeed in this, but that I leave for God.

Do you know why girls go around bareheaded? The girls of this day and age usually do not have long hair. You are from Kathiawar, therefore you keep your hair long. Their hair is not long because their bodies have become weak. They fix either woollen or artificial hair to their braids. They need to show it to someone, isn’t it? I move among women. I have made a large contribution in bringing women to the fore. Am I not the same man, who once wanted Ba to look beautiful like Parsi women? And therefore, I made her wear shoes and stockings even though she did not know how to. And did I not make her weep in order that she wear them? There is beauty in keeping God-given hair, not in artificial ones. These days paper cut in patterns of roses are placed in flower vases. But eyes like to see only natural roses. So many women have become artificial and for this reason, they are subjected to atrocities. I have no doubt about that. Ornaments fashioned from artificial diamonds and pearls will glitter for a while, but eventually, they will turn black. And there is growing infatuation for wearing artificial things. As a result, their inner life has also become fabricated.

I cannot believe that those who are artificial in their dress can be pure in their inner life. This is the reason for the fall of our women. The tables have turned. Even if one were to place weapons in the hands of our women, they will not be able to face their attackers. How is that poor woman to defend herself against rape, when unarmed? Sita, made of a handful of bones possessed no weapons. If Ravana, a man of great strength, had decided he could have crushed her in a moment. But he could not so much as touch her. Why? Such was Sita’s purity. Where do we find such purity these days? If a woman is about to be raped, she would submit herself. Such incidents have happened here. Many a goon have said to women, surrender or you shall be killed. And women surrendered due to fear of death. We harbour suspicion about the reality of Rama and Sita of the Ramayana. We may even believe that they are imaginary. But how grand and high is that imagination?

It can become one with our lives. Truly, each woman should understand the character of Sita. Do you know these days there is a “fashion” 20 to paint lips, nails, and hands? What is it called?’ I laughed and said, ‘You never told me to acquire that education as well. “Lipstick?” Bapu said, “Yes, lipstick. These poor women paint their lips with lipstick, paint their nails. They cannot see how frail they have become. In earlier times women had so much blood flowing in them that their lips remained red naturally. We have blindly imitated the West. Both men and women are to be blamed for this, but that does not absolve women altogether. Discipline, civility, courtesy, humility, punctuality, industriousness, hard work, desire to learn new things, the ability to mix among strangers – there is so much to learn from those people. That we have flung aside and adopted their puff, powder, and similar fashions. It is for this reason that I proclaim to women that only they can bring “Swaraj” and “Surajya” to India. Because, just as a household is incomplete without women, swaraj would be incomplete without them. I believe in this. But such a thing can come true only when women become pure. Do you know the meanings that I ascribe to the word “pure”? Anyone who wishes to use the word pure to describe herself should have the qualities enumerated here. The description of those qualities or a term that encompasses these qualities is a three-letter word Pavitra. Purity comes only with humility. I am a staunch opponent of purdah and laj.

But a sense of limits, there must be. Purity is possible only with internal and outward cleanliness. Purity is possible only where there is unsullied truthfulness. Purity is possible where there is no conceit and arrogance. Purity comes with self-respect; it requires a spirit of service; such are the various meanings of purity. Where there is such purity God will come face-to-face with that person. Of that, I have no doubt. If women were to get this matchless weapon, they would need neither swords nor spears. It is more difficult to train oneself in purity than training in the use of weapons made from iron. This is ever so simple for those who comprehend this.

“See! I gave you this big lesson from a mere mention of a sari. Neither you nor I know whether you will make these lessons one with your life. I have assumed the responsibilities of a mother! Write this in your diary and show it to me. And I would know as to how much you have absorbed. You should sleep now. I could not sleep, as I was assailed by such thoughts and I felt that I should put this girl on her guard. During the day one has no quiet and peace. Therefore, I woke you up. Look the watch shows 1.15.” After such serious talk, I could not sleep but lay unsleeping in the bed.

At 3.30 a.m. Bapuji woke me up for prayers.

Excerpted with permission from The Diary of Manu Gandhi (1946-1948), Tridip Suhrud, Oxford University Press.